On Sunday the 27th of January, at 4 minutes to 1 in the morning, I pushed publish on my first blog and immediately got under the duvet.
I have always believed that it is important to stay true to yourself in every situation. I don’t know how to be anything else but honest. This is the perhaps the reason why my about page has struck such a chord both with myself and the people who have read it.
It was not the honesty of my page that made me anxious, but the fact that for the first time in my 31 years of life, I have stood up and said ‘This is who I am… and I am lost!’
Before now I would actively avoid putting myself personally out there, this made me feel vulnerable, at the mercy of other’s ridicule and I was certainly not going to allow that.
I was a risk taker sure! But I was also (so I believed) in control of how I was perceived and interacted with others around me. I was adventurous but aloof. I thought I was being clever.
The only logical step.
Now, on Sunday the 27th of January 00:56 I had done something so uncharacteristic, so insane, as far as my habitual guard was concerned, that the only logical action to take was to get under the duvet.
The next day I got out of bed and went straight to the laptop. Not sure what to think about any of it I just had to look over everything again just to … what?
I typed in the URL and there was my name with a ‘.com’ after it!
I landed on the homepage and there I was walking alone down a corridor of a metro station in Paris. (Mine and Matt’s first adventure together)
I chose that photo because for me it represented so much about how I felt about these next steps in my life. When I looked at it I felt the solitude of my predicament and the uncertainty of what lay ahead.
But now, looking at it, something had changed.
When I had read what I had written and looked back at the picture of me in the Parisian metro corridor, I realised what had changed…
Me.
I was excited, I was empowered!
‘This is who I am… and I am lost,’
The very act of putting myself out there, the very thing I had feared most, had somehow lifted the fog. In saying the above statement in the way that I have, somehow the girl in the photo on my header didn’t feel lost any more.
‘This Is Who I Am.’
Of course this didn’t just happen overnight. There are a lot of things I have been working on and systems I have put in place to help me cope with most recent situations. Some of these I’d like to share with you over the next few blogs perhaps.
What I want to take from this is that I put myself out there and the world didn’t implode. So What else can I do?
Suddenly I’m hungrier then ever to find out.
To keep the momentum going I aim to blog twice a week. If you want to keep up with the adventure subscribe to my blog on the newly created form in the bar on the right to this post (check me out with my techno skills 😉 )